It’s about 7:30 pm on a Friday night. You’ve received a hailstorm of texts from your friends trying to make plans to go out. But here’s why you should stay put:
- It’s Cold AF
Have you been outside today? It’s the ultimate NOPE weather. Stay inside, crank the heat, prep the fireplace, and chuckle at all the poor saps who are slogging it out in the veritable tundra.
- It’s Been the Longest Week Ever
All the stupid stuff that happened at work, all the missed hours of sleep, and all the time spent NOT staying home and being lazy can really pile up and weigh on you. You’ve had a lousy week. You’ve earned this.
- Blankets Exist
And oh are they wonderful.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
- Delivery Is a Thing
Your roommates, significant other, cohabitating person or whoever hates your favorite takeout place. Now is your chance. Order ALL THE FOOD. Let it magically appear at your door and welcome it to your staying-in party. Delivery junk food is like the guest of honor at this perfect evening for one.
- Drinking Alone Can Be Heavenly
While you’re in the business of assembling a feast for yourself, open that bottle of whatever. Turn on the tv and pour one out for your social life. As long as you’re not sad-drinking or drunk-dialing exes, you’re doing it right. Drink up, you beautiful hermit.
- Your Pet’s Giant Sad Eyes
Are you really going to break their heart again? It’s time for some quality time with your number one. They’re really the only company you need on such a fine evening in. Plus, they won’t judge you for all the weird stuff you do when you’re home alone. They’ve probably done worse while you were out of the house.
- You’d Probably Have to Interact With That She-Devil: You Know Who We’re Talking About
Oh, wait. THEY’RE going to be there, tonight? Hell no. You feel your soul sizzle a little every time you lock eyes with that monster. She’ll probably be there, humble bragging loudly about her recent trip to Barcelona where she rescued orphaned kittens and taught them to read. Stay home. Stay safe from that one person.
- Sleep > Everything Else
As a kid, you wanted to stay up all night and dreamed of the day when you could do whatever you wanted. Nobody tells you that as an adult, all you’ll want to do is go to bed at a decent time.
- Pants < Everything Else
So you’re telling me that I have to wear real clothes to this thing? Dealbreaker. You’re already in your ugliest sweats. The deed is done.
- You’re Broke, You Irresponsible Scamp
You could spend $30 on going out for dinner like a real person plus the $10 drink you’d have if you went out tonight. Or you could buy a $5 bottle of wine and a massive $10 pizza and have a way better time.
- Your Liver Will Thank You
It weeps for what you’ve put it through lately. Show some mercy.
- What Time Is It? (Hint: YOU TIME)
Dance around naked. Sing Mariah Carey in the shower. Eat ice cream for dinner. Whatever, man. You do you.
- Sorry to Break it to You Buuut… You’re Looking a Little Worse For Wear
When was the last time you did laundry? Or took a good look at those outta-control eyebrows? Now you finally have some time for a bit of maintenance, relaxation, and self-care. Alternatively, you can embrace the haggard look you’re rocking and just flop on the couch with some snacks where no one has to see you.
- The Outside World is Vastly Overrated
You said you have to go out every weekend? Inside is good. Inside is nice. Stay in tonight.